The time of the overnight when young people are heading home after closing time is the same strike of the clock when I occasionally have trouble getting back to sleep after hours of peaceful slumber. Early one morning I couldn’t shut my brain off, so I trudged down our treacherous stairs and staked a claim on the couch under the heated blanket and the weight of my fur child.
I could have watched any number of programs or movies but I got sucked in to an infomercial about a skin care system that appears to be the fountain of youth in a bottle. (But really, aren’t they all?)
There was the trustworthy personality of host Joan Lunden, who hasn’t aged since 1987. You may remember her as an anchor on Good Morning America, I remember her as my inspiration to go into television news. At 2 a.m. if Joan Lunden is trying to sell me something, I figure I better listen.
As with any infomercial, an internal struggle begins in my head and it lasts the entire length of the program. My logical mind tells me that the product probably isn’t that great, that it is expensive and that I’m should not pick up the phone and “call now.”
But the power of persuasion tells me that, yes, at 30 years old, I would like to stop the clock on my skin. Thank you for asking, Joan Lunden. I also remind myself that there is a perfect formula for infomercials – using language that has been around for decades.
Maple thinks the infomercials are hilarious.
I flash back to the late 90s when Joey’s character on the sitcom Friends starred in two infomercials in which his line was “There’s got to be a better way!” It’s a line that is still used in infomercials today as a legitimate sales tactic, and it works.
For me, the occasional infomercial is a “guilty pleasure.” I have enjoyed a fair share of the paid commercial programming since I can remember. Even when I was quite young, some of my favorites were the advertisements for CD collections (at the time, they were cassette tapes) where the hosts would share with you a montage of musical melodies from the decade and genre at hand. I loved watching the programs with the 80’s music, but my favorite was the 50’s collection.
Those programs play the best part of the songs and the snippets become earworms. You might never recognize the rest of the song, but you will recognize those 5 seconds like you’ve sung them forever.
It had been years since I got hooked into one of those, but last weekend I watched a program that highlighted musical storytellers like Elton John and Carole King. By the end of the 30 minutes I spent with John Denver, Bread and America, I was about to call and start paying on my first of four easy installments of $29.99 plus shipping and handling. But wait, there’s more. If I called in the next 30 minutes, I would get a bonus CD with additional liner notes. Operators were standing by, waiting for my call.
I have never purchased anything off of TV and I don’t plan to start. I’m going to stick my credit card in the freezer and try to sleep through the night so I won’t be tempted anymore. (But really, don’t Pajama Jeans look comfortable?)
I realize I should never, under any circumstances, flip the channel to QVC.