My Husband’s Wise Words

My husband, Terry, is one of the quickest thinkers I’ve ever met. No matter what attempt I make at humor, it seems he easily matches and then surpasses me, usually leading to me to laugh until I cry. Nine months ago, I married this funny, funny man and he stumbled into my quotation game.

I have been collecting quotations since my junior year in college. I keep them in a few files on my computer and if I’m having a bad day, I open a file and read until I have a good laugh. I have heard some hilarious things over the years and someday, I will put them all in a book. Some of you should be worried, others would be horrified to know that I actually wrote all this stuff down. (I’ve got really good quotes from my stint at a television station). But if you think you can get a hold of the evidence – don’t – all the good stuff is in the fireproof safe.

Terry didn’t know that I had been writing down his wise words and the day I shared his list with him, he giggled. I mean actually giggled. He amused himself, just like he amuses me every day. Here’s a sampling of his wise words. (For those of you who have been following along, some of these may be familiar to you.)

“You know, they say the things that bother us most about other people are the same flaws we have.” – Terry
“What bothers you most about me?” – Sarah
“Nothing – I’m perfect.” – Terry

“I lost my favorite book to read to students.” – Sarah
“You can borrow my ‘Pop-Up Book of Phobias’ if you want.” – Terry

“That was grammatically incorrect.” – Sarah, while watching a TV show
“He’s a Martian, what do you expect?” – Terry

“You complete me.” – Sarah
<pause>
“Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?” – Terry
“Huh?” – Sarah
“What? You’re the only one who can quote that movie?” – Terry (referencing the movie “Jerry Maguire”, 1996)

“I’m hilarious. I don’t think you give me enough credit for that.” – Sarah
“I don’t need to, you give yourself all the credit.” – Terry

“Why do you think you can just make unilateral decisions?” – Sarah
“Because I get up at 3:45 in the morning.” – Terry

“It’s like you pulled a tooth out when I wasn’t looking.” – Sarah
“Isn’t that how you would want a tooth pulled? Why would you want to look?” – Terry

“The grass is always greener on the other side…and then you get there and realize they just spray painted the dirt green.” – Terry

For a girl who really enjoys having the last word (just ask my mother about my teenage years)…I’ve met my match.